Funny Quotes - Page 195

Every once in a while, you let a word or phrase out and you want to catch it and bring it back. You can't do that. It's gone, gone forever.

I am not part of the problem. I am a Republican.

I have made good judgments in the past. I have made good judgments in the future.

In New York we have streets exploding and innocent Buddhist girls being stabbed in the neck and cabdrivers refusing to help her. If we happen into a nightclub by mistake, when we leave the doorman will be lying in the street surrounded by police.

Wealth and rank are what men desire, but unless they be obtained in the right way they may not be possessed. Poverty and obscurity are what men detest; but unless prosperity be brought about in the right way, they are not to be abandoned.

It is man that makes truth great, and not truth that makes man great.

He who requires much from himself and little from others, will keep himself from being the object of resentment.

Sincerity is the way of heaven.

Even if you do learn to speak correct English, whom are you going to speak it to?

You start out happy that you have no hips or boobs.All of a sudden you get them, and it feels sloppy. Then just when you start liking them, they start drooping.

I hate niggas! I hate em! I wish they'd let me join the Ku Klux Klan!

My mother was so house proud that when my father got up to sleepwalk she had the bed made by the time he got back.

I met this cowboy with a brown paper hat, paper waistcoat and paper trousers. He was wanted for rustling.

I don't like the word 'alcoholic'. I like to think of myself as an advanced drinker.

Left hand, right hand, it doesn't matter. I'm amphibious.

I love people; it's mankind I can't stand.

Sometimes you lie in bed at night, and you don't have a single thing to worry about...That always worries me!

The cannon thunders... limbs fly in all directions... one can hear the groans of victims and the howling of those performing the sacrifice... it's Humanity in search of happiness.

I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.

You can't make someone love you, all you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in

I'm so old they've cancelled my blood type.

I get more ass than a giant donkey stable.

You guys pair up in groups of three, then line up in a circle.

I smoke to fill the potholes in my soul

I'm not the boss of my house. I don't know how I lost it, I don't know when I lost it, I don't really think I ever had it. But I've seen the boss's job...and I don't want it!