Fun Quotes - Page 193

When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why would you keep looking after you've found it?

I spend a lot of time reading.

A new father quickly learns that his child invariably comes to the bathroom at precisely the times when he's in there, as if he needed company. The only way for this father to be certain of bathroom privacy is to shave at the gas station.

Do awards change careers? Well, I haven't heard of many stories where that's the case. It's a fun excuse to meet colleagues and celebrate people who've done well that year in certain people's eyes, and it's nothing more than that.

The right to choose to live or to die is the most fundamental right there is; conversely, the duty to give others that opportunity to the best of our ability is the most fundamental duty there is.

The best measure of a man's honesty isn't his income tax return. It's the zero adjust on his bathroom scale.

I worship the quicksand he [Richard Nixon] walks in.

One lives in the hope of becoming a memory.

Golf seems to me an arduous way to go for a walk. I prefer to take the dogs out.

Sarah Palin has decided not to run for President and go straight to the quitting part.

I make more time to have fun in the life I'm living before I'm worm food.

Pornography reveals that male pleasure is inextricably tied to victimizing, hurting, exploiting; that sexual fun and sexual passion in the privacy of the male imagination are inseparable from the brutality of male history. The private world of sexual dominance that men demand as their right and their freedom is the mirror image of the public world of sadism and atrocity that men consistently and self-righteously deplore. It is in the male experience of pleasure that one finds the meaning of male history.

Many of us spend half of our time wishing for things we could have if we didn't spend half our time wishing.

Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.

Mark my words, when a society has to resort to the lavatory for its humour, the writing is on the wall.

I have been thinking that I would make a proposition to my Republican friends... that if they will stop telling lies about the Democrats, we will stop telling the truth about them.

Avoid all needle drugs, the only dope worth shooting is Richard Nixon.

At what age do you think it's appropriate to tell a highway it's adopted?

Many people are surprised to hear that we have comedians in Russia, but they are there. They are dead, but they are there.

I don't respond well to mellow, you know what I mean, I have a tendency to... if I get too mellow, I ripen and then rot.

Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable.

Word of mouth is the best medium of all.

A difference of opinion is what makes horse racing and missionaries.

People who fly into a rage always make a bad landing.

My husband wanted one of those big-screen TVs for his birthday. So I just moved his chair closer to the one we have already.