George Burns Quotes - Page 3

Just because you're old that doesn't mean you're more forgetful. The same people whose names I can't remember now I couldn't remember fifty years ago. . .

Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.

When I was young I was called a rugged individualist. When I was in my fifties I was considered eccentric. Here I am doing and saying the same things I did then and I'm labeled senile.

There will always be a battle between the sexes because men and women want different things. Men want women and women want men.

The heart is a temple wherein all truth resides.

A married couple that plays cards together is just a fight that hasn't started yet.

I don't have a drinking problem. I drink. I get drunk. I fall down, no problem.

When I was in Vegas women were throwing their hotel keys at me. But it was after they checked out.

Young. Old. Just Words.

Be sure to wear a good cologne, a nice aftershave lotion, and a strong underarm deodorant. And it might be a good idea to wear some clothes, too.

In show business the key word is honesty. Once you've learned to fake that, the rest is easy.

People are always asking me how much I'm worth. Well, all I can say is, I've got enough money to last me the rest of my life. As long as I die in the next 20 minutes.

Everything that goes up must come down. But there comes a time when not everything that's down can come up.

My best advice: Fall in love with what you do for a living.

Yale men do not like to be told anything by people who didn't go to Yale. The closest I came to Yale was once I had one of their padlocks.

I thought to myself, 'why not write a bestseller?' In the first place, more people buy them and more people read them. You make more money and it doesn’t take any more time to write a bestseller than it does to write a book nobody buys.

If you were married to Marilyn Monroe, you'd cheat with some ugly girl.

If I get big laughs, I'm a comedian. If I get little laughs, I'm a humorist. If I get no laughs, I'm a singer.

When I'm in front of an audience, all that love and vitality sweeps over me and I forget my age.

The happiest people I know are the ones that are still working. The saddest are the ones who are retired. Very few performers retire on their own. It's usually because no one wants them. Six years ago Sinatra announced his retirement. He's still working.

Much later in life, though, Gracie made a major contribution to the opera world. She stayed out of it.

I get a standing ovation just standing

A young mind in a healthy body is a wonderful thing. Especially for an old man with an open night.

Nice to be here? At my age it's nice to be anywhere.

People are always asking me when I'm going to retire. Why should I? I've got it two ways - I'm still making movies, and I'm a senior citizen, so I can see myself at half price.