George Burns Quotes - Page 6

I'd say that about 82 percent of what I write is bad, but don't go by me; I'm as bad a judge as I am a writer. Look, if it were all good, you'd be paying twice as much for this book.

I smoke ten to fifteen cigars a day. At my age I have to hold on to something.

Well, anybody can be a straight man if he hears well. You just have to wait for laughs. A straight man just repeats the questions and the comedian gets the laughs and you just wait for them and don't let them die completely at the tail end of the laugh.

It's better to be happy doing something you love, even if you don't find success right away.

Sex is the Universal Language in which nobody speaks; they don't have to.

This is all so exciting I've decided to keep making one movie every 36 years.

If you stay in the business long enough and get to be old enough, you get to be new again.

I can't afford to die; I'd lose too much money.

How did I ever get sick? I've already had everything.

In what other business can a guy my age drink martinis, smoke cigars and sing? I think all people who retire ought to go into show business. I've been retired all my life.

Everyday happiness means you can't wait to come home, because the soup is hot.

It's one of the old show business axioms. No matter how successful you've been, there's always a younger and sexier seal coming along.

I'd rather be a flop at show business than to be a success at something I didn't like.

None of us kids had a middle name. We were lucky we had any name at all. By the time my mother got around to naming one, there was another on the way.

Joy is obtaining a big, loving, caring shut-knit household in yet another town.

I'm onstage for an hour.I do an hour of stand-up. Actually, I do 10 minutes standing up and 50 minutes sitting in a chair. Oh, occasionally, I stand up again to do a dance or put over a song. But mostly I sit down. A great invention, sitting down.