Fun Quotes - Page 277

When you're out of will power you call on stubbornness, that's the trick.

I came home, the car was in the dining room. "How did you get the car in here?" "Easy, I took a left at the kitchen."

This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he's Frank and in Chicago he's Ernest.

The patient says, "Doctor, it hurts when I do this." "Then don't do that!"

When God sneezed, I didn't know what to say.

Those proud of keeping an orderly desk never know the thrill of finding something that they thought irretrievably lost.

Philosophy consists very largely of one philosopher arguing that all others are jackasses. He usually proves it, and I should add that he also usually proves that he is one himself.

There are two kinds of music; German music and bad music.

If you don't believe you can win, there is no point in getting out of bed at the beginning of the day.

I don’t have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They’re upstairs in my socks.

Why, I'd horse-whip you if I had a horse.

I wish to be cremated. One tenth of my ashes shall be given to my agent, as written in our contract.

Do you suppose I could buy back my introduction to you?

I married your mother because I wanted children, imagine my disappointment when you came along.

No man goes before his time - unless the boss leaves early.

Money will not make you happy, and happy will not make you money.

The internet has become such a great tool not just for chefs but for everyone. The net has given everyone the tools to see and almost experience new and different ideas.

You kissed me like that when I was a blushing bride ...? I wonder what I was blushing about?

Journalism largely consists of saying 'Lord Jones is Dead' to people who never knew that Lord Jones was alive.

Reality can be entered through the main door or it can be slipped into through a window, which is much more fun.

The illiteracy level of our children are appalling.

If everybody's thinking the same thing, then nobody's thinking.

Photos convey a point in time, so for casual snapshots I say wear the trends so you have fun images to look back at.

It's no exaggeration to say that the undecideds could go one way or another.

I want to make sure everybody who has a job wants a job.