Fun Quotes - Page 310

My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one.

Some day there will have to be some new rules established about name-calling. I don't mean the routine cursing that goes on between husband and wife, but the naming of defenseless, unsuspecting babies.

If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again.

I don't know if you get anything more adorable than a tiny pig eating an apple. And here's a fun fact. This is how you make apple-smoked bacon.

I still feel childlike. Not childish - there's a difference. But to be childlike is to be savoured and treasured. I offer my books to those who like the things of childhood; the challenges, intrigue, joy and fun.

In this modern day and age, we have instant coffee, instant tea - instant disbelief. That's the reason we will never become anything. It is because we will never believe in ourselves. We will always listen to the mass majority. If everybody's making fun of you and criticizing you, then you know you're on the right track. 'Cause most people ain't got it.

I expect Woman will be the last thing civilized by Man.

When people say “clean as a whistle”, they forget that a whistle is full of spit.

I noticed that all the prayers I used to offer to God, and all the prayers I now offer to Joe Pesci, are being answered at about the same 50% rate. Half the time I get what I want, half the time I don't... Same as the four-leaf clover and the horseshoe...same as the Voodoo Lady who tells you your fortune by squeezing the goat's testicles, it's all the same: 50-50. So just pick your superstition, sit back, make a wish, and enjoy yourself.

Dogs lead a nice life. You never see a dog with a wristwatch.

The reason I talk to myself is that I'm the only one whose answers I accept.

If a man smiles all the time, he’s probably selling something that doesn’t work.

It used to be cars had cool names: Dart, Hawk, Fury, Cougar, Firebird, Hornet, Mustang, Barracuda. Now we have Elantra, Altima, Acura, Lumina, Sentra, Corolla, Maxima, Tercel. Further proof that America has lost its edge.

I have been able to hope for the best, expect the worst, and take what comes along. If there has been one fundamental reason for my success, this is it.

To be honest, Im a little tired of playing bad guys. I long to do a comedy. But it was fun knocking Indiana Jones around.

A cruise ship is a floating town of lazy people.

I like to be weird, kinky, straight, in and out, up and down. I like to blow up people's expectations, create them, destroy them, and dissolve them. It is fun.

Golf is supposed to be fun, but I don't think anything is fun if you're not doing it reasonably well.

Her hat is a creation that will never go out of style; it will just look ridiculous year after year.

Washington is no place for a good actor. The competition from bad actors is too great.

Television is a device that permits people who haven't anything to do to watch people who can't do anything.

A war of ideas can no more be won without books than a naval war can be won without ships. Books, like ships, have the toughest armor, the longest cruising range, and mount the most powerful guns.

The average life expectancy rate in some parts of Glasgow is 54. If you've ever been there, you'll realize that that's maybe a bit long.

When I went to school, sex education was mainly muttered warnings about the janitor.

Most people wouldn't know music if it came up and bit them on the ass.