Fun Quotes - Page 293

She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?" "No, jump in!"

A car hit a Jewish man. The paramedic says, "Are you comfortable?" The man says, "I make a good living."

Always be sincere, even if you don't mean it.

Most people suffer from the self limiting dysfunction "rear-view mirror syndrome" driving through life with their subconscious mind constantly looking in their own self-limiting rear-view mirror. They filter every choice they make through the limitations of their past experiences. Always remember that your potential is TRULY unlimited, and that you are just as worthy, deserving, and capable of achieving everything you want as any other person on earth.

Men have a much better time of it than women. For one thing, they marry later; for another thing, they die earlier.

Inflation hasn't ruined everything. A dime can still be used as a screwdriver.

I love my cigar too, but I take it out of my mouth once in a while.

Do you mind if I don't smoke?

Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!

The first thing which I can record concerning myself is, that I was born. These are wonderful words. This life, to which neither time nor eternity can bring diminution - this everlasting living soul, began. My mind loses itself in these depths.

Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.

Zionism and pessimism are not compatible.

I'm a very boring person in my real life so I got to act out misbehaving fantasies was really fun.

My favourite two festivals have always been the Big Day Out and Summersonic in Japan. The Big Day Out is a little more fun because it lasts longer. It's like an abbreviated version of the Warped tour because you get to play with the same people every day, which is really fun.

If one has not given everything, one has given nothing.

Speech is the small change of silence.

Flatterers look like friends, as wolves like dogs.

What year did Jesus think it was?

If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

I like them all-pointers, setters, retrievers, spaniels-what have you. I've had good ones and bad of several kinds. Most of the bad ones were my fault and most of the good ones would have been good under any circumstances.

I would like the world to remember me as the guy who really enjoyed playing games and sharing his knowledge and his fun pastimes with everybody else.

The thought of people in this day and age sitting down to listen to a radio variety show on Saturday evening is rather implausible and was even more so in 1974 when we started “A Prairie Home Companion.” Thank goodness Minnesota Public Radio was too poor to afford good advice or the show never would've got on the air. We only did it because we knew it would be fun to do. It was a dumb idea. I wish I knew how to be that dumb again.

I'll walk up to a woman, I'll say the first thing that comes to mind: 'Hey, you hungry?'

There's more fun in hunting with the handicap of the bow than there is in hunting with the sureness of the gun.

I play a musical instrument a little, but only for my own amazement.