Fun Quotes - Page 267

When you're modeling you're actually acting for the camera and the photographer. It's more fun, too because there are no lines to memorize.

You start out happy that you have no hips or boobs.All of a sudden you get them, and it feels sloppy. Then just when you start liking them, they start drooping.

I hate niggas! I hate em! I wish they'd let me join the Ku Klux Klan!

My mother was so house proud that when my father got up to sleepwalk she had the bed made by the time he got back.

I met this cowboy with a brown paper hat, paper waistcoat and paper trousers. He was wanted for rustling.

I don't like the word 'alcoholic'. I like to think of myself as an advanced drinker.

If I could summarize my suggestions to parents over the past twenty-five years it would be: worry less, criticize less, preach less, listen more, have more fun, be more honest with your own feelings, develop your own joys and friendships, and don't sweat the small stuff (which is nearly everything). The goal is not to be a perfect parent, because no such thing exists. The hope is to be a good enough parent so that your child leaves home a responsible adult who can take care of him or herself.

Left hand, right hand, it doesn't matter. I'm amphibious.

I love people; it's mankind I can't stand.

Sometimes you lie in bed at night, and you don't have a single thing to worry about...That always worries me!

The cannon thunders... limbs fly in all directions... one can hear the groans of victims and the howling of those performing the sacrifice... it's Humanity in search of happiness.

Life is not a search for experience, but for ourselves. Having discovered our own fundamental level we realize that it conforms to our own destiny and we find peace.

I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.

You can't make someone love you, all you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in

It's fun to play characters in songs. I can just cheat a little bit... be this person for just a small amount of time and just help vent that idea.

I'm so old they've cancelled my blood type.

I get more ass than a giant donkey stable.

When life gives you lemons, chunk it right back.

You guys pair up in groups of three, then line up in a circle.

I smoke to fill the potholes in my soul

I'm not the boss of my house. I don't know how I lost it, I don't know when I lost it, I don't really think I ever had it. But I've seen the boss's job...and I don't want it!

Three blind mice walk into a pub. But they are unaware of their surroundings, so to derive humour from it would be exploitative.

There's more evil in the charts than an Al-Qaeda suggestion box.

I tried to like it. For me, it was like being smacked around the head by a piece of IKEA furniture: it hurts, but you've got to admire the workmanship.

Why do people want to swim with dolphins? The equivalent would be an Indonesian fellow coming over here, going up to a farmer and saying 'Can I get in with the cows? I just fancy scuffling about with them.'