Mark Twain Quotes about God

God made the Idiot for practice, and then He made the School Board.

God made the Idiot for practice, and then He made the School Board.

God, Sarcastic, Education

Mark Twain (2014). “Mark Twain on Common Sense: Timeless Advice and Words of Wisdom from America's Most-Revered Humorist”, p.15, Skyhorse Publishing, Inc.

Heaven goes by favor. If it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in.

Mark Twain

Funny, Cute, God

Mark Twain (2013). “Delphi Complete Works of Mark Twain (Illustrated)”, p.9262, Delphi Classics

Man was made at the end of the week's work when God was tired.

Mark Twain

God, Educational, Tired

Notebook, 1903

No God and no religion can survive ridicule. No political church, no nobility, no royalty or other fraud, can face ridicule in a fair field, and live.

Mark Twain

God, Political, Religion

What God lacks is convictions- stability of character. He ought to be a Presbyterian or a Catholic or something- not try to be everything.

Mark Twain

God, Atheist, Character

Mark Twain (2012). “Mark Twain at Your Fingertips: A Book of Quotations”, p.69, Courier Corporation

Public opinion is held in reverence. It settles everything. Some think it is the voice of God.

Mark Twain

God, Thinking, Voice

Mark Twain (2015). “Bite-Size Twain: Wit and Wisdom from the Literary Legend”, p.44, St. Martin's Press

The Church worked hard at it night and day during nine centuries and imprisoned, tortured, hanged, and burned whole hordes and armies of witches, and washed the Christian world clean with their foul blood. Then it was discovered that there was no such thing as witches, and never had been. One doesn't know whether to laugh or to cry. Who discovered that there was no such thing as a witch - the priest, the parson? No, these never discover anything.

Mark Twain

God, Christian, Army

"Mark Twain at Your Fingertips: A Book of Quotations".

Only one thing is impossible for God: To find any sense in any copyright law on the planet.

Mark Twain

Funny, Life, God

Mark Twain (2012). “Mark Twain at Your Fingertips: A Book of Quotations”, p.69, Courier Corporation

I have a religion-but you will call it blasphemy. It is that there is a God for the rich man but none for the poor.....Perhaps your religion will sustain you,will feed you-I place no dependence in mine. Our religions are alike, though, in one respect-neither can make a man happy when he is out of luck.

Mark Twain

Happiness, Happy, God

Mark Twain (2016). “The Wit and Wisdom of Mark Twain”, p.182, Chartwell

Ethical man: A Christian holding four aces.

Mark Twain

God, Christian, Men

Mark Twain (2014). “Mark Twain on Common Sense: Timeless Advice and Words of Wisdom from America's Most-Revered Humorist”, p.34, Skyhorse Publishing, Inc.

The gods offer no rewards for intellect. There was never one yet that showed any interest in it.

Mark Twain

God, Religion, Atheism

Mark Twain (2012). “Mark Twain at Your Fingertips: A Book of Quotations”, p.207, Courier Corporation

If God is what people say there can be no one in the universe so unhappy as He; for He sees unceasingly myriads of His creatures suffering unspeakable miseries--and besides this foresees how they are going to suffer during the remainder of their lives. One might as well say, "As unhappy as God."

Mark Twain

God, People, Suffering

Mark Twain (2012). “Mark Twain at Your Fingertips: A Book of Quotations”, p.153, Courier Corporation

There are many scapegoats for our sins, but the most popular one is Providence.

Mark Twain

God, Religious, Responsibility

Mark Twain (2012). “Mark Twain at Your Fingertips: A Book of Quotations”, p.387, Courier Corporation

We grant God the possession of all the qualities of mind except the one that keeps the others healthy; that watches over their dignity; that focuses their vision true--humor.

Mark Twain

God, Healthy, Mind

Mark Twain, William M. Gibson (1969). “Mark Twain's Mysterious Stranger Manuscripts”, p.26, Univ of California Press

God, so atrocious in the Old Testament, so attractive in the New--the Jekyl and Hyde of sacred romance.

Mark Twain

God, Romance, Sacred

Mark Twain, Albert Bigelow Paine (1971). “Mark Twain's notebook”, Scholarly Pr

Being made merely in the image of God but not otherwise resembling him enough to be mistaken by anybody but a very near sighted person.

Mark Twain

God, Differences, Editors

Mark Twain (1972). “Everyone's Mark Twain”

None of us can be as great as God, but any of us can be as good.

Mark Twain

God, Good God

Mark Twain (194?). “Mark Twain's notebook”

God only exhibits his thunder and lightning at intervals, and so they always command attention.

Mark Twain

God, Writing, Attention

Mark Twain (2004). “The Letters of Mark Twain”, p.79, 1st World Publishing

Man proposes, but God blocks the game.

Mark Twain

God, Block, Men

Mark Twain (2012). “Mark Twain at Your Fingertips: A Book of Quotations”, p.153, Courier Corporation

God pours out love upon all with a lavish hand -- but He reserves vengeance for His very own.

Mark Twain

God, Hands, Vengeance

Mark Twain (2012). “Mark Twain at Your Fingertips: A Book of Quotations”, p.153, Courier Corporation

Leaving out the gamblers, the burglars, and the plumbers, perhaps we do put our trust in God after a fashion. But, after all, it is an overstatement. If the cholera or black plague should come to these shores, perhaps the bulk of the nation would pray to be delivered from it, but the rest would put their trust in The Health Board.

Mark Twain

God, Fashion, Leaving

Mark Twain (2016). “Mark Twain's Speeches”, p.95, Xist Publishing